You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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