I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
