you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
