the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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