I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
