he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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