I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
