My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pants are for mortals
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
