I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
