I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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