Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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