I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dignity is for republicans.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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