i may or may not be watching the land before time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
