I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
