I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
