he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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