so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
