its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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