I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
