I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
