apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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