I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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