chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
