I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
