sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
