If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
