Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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