its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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