I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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