i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
