Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
