Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
