I skipped work to stalk him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
