there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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