I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
