a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
