Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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