some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
