i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
