someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
