so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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