yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
