Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
