he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
