i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
