You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
