end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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