That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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