tell your sister to shave her snatch
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
