i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
