I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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