I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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